Wednesday, May 11, 2005


Me giving the best man's toast at Joe and Julie's wedding reception

I hope that Joe and Julie's marriage doesn't end up like mine - which, right now, is in the end stage of a year of separation, culminating in what is shaping up to be an acrimonious divorce.

People, or at least their desires, change over time. If you want to stay in a healthy relationship with someone, it's a good idea to work on maintaining a large measure of respect for that person. That may require telling them things that you don't respect about them, or accepting those things. When you lose respect for someone it's difficult or impossible to love them.

Honesty is critical. It's remarkable how many people behave ethically in their work relationships, but are dishonest in their personal relationships. Staying in a relationship after it's over is a mistake. I made it. Staying in a relationship in order to avoid being responsible for one's own life and livelyhood is pathetic.

Ending a relationship should be done without rancor. No one, save sociopaths, is proud of the times they treated someone badly or unfairly.

It can be hard to separate the emotional response from the intellectual response. But it can be done.

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